Sometimes it's difficult to only show a good side of you, and be that super nice happy guy that always puts others before himself. I think it's ok to be honest with yourself and with others. Yes, I try very hard to put on the image of a good Christian, living for God like person, but in reality it might be a bit different.

Truth is, I've been doing a lot of questioning lately and I think it's perfectly fine to question what you believe. Yes I'm a Christian and I plan to always stay a Christian because while I'm in this world, I'd like to see just what God can do. However, that doesn't mean it's always going to be easy to think that the things in my life are happening because of a higher power. Also I think it's important to talk about this stuff because I've almost been depressed lately because this stuff has been bugging me and I always seem to be in the wrong place and the wrong time when I need to talk to someone about it. It's weird, I sometimes like having time to myself, but usually I get really lonely and depressed when I'm by myself because if something starts to bother me, I have no output for it so it just repeats over and over in my head. As a result, I try to talk to a lot of people and just write, which is why I'm kind of doing this.

It's very important to have patience because a lot of the time we want an answer, we want relief and it doesn't always come to us as quickly as we hope. And by the time we get the answer we've been waiting for, I don't always recognize that either. It's just weird, that about 2 years ago I felt like I was a lot stronger in my faith, and now it seems to be crumbling. However, I don't know if that's exactly the case because this could just mean I'm growing, and figuring out more things about God. I haven't really doubted him in my life, and I'm kind of disappointed in myself now to see that I am, but maybe there's more to it than that. Maybe I'm disappointed because I got this idea that a good Christian goes through life on a spiritual high, but personally that seems quite unrealistic to me. I want to know how people like my parents remained Christians their whole life, and if they ever get bothered with the same issues I'm going through. And that's why it's important to talk about it, because life is a series of experiences, and the more we go through it, sometimes the answers simply just fall into our lap. It's always happened to me, but at the same time I'm always nervous that it isn't going to happen again. So my solution is just to keep on living my life, and talk to people that have been in my position before. I'm 21 years old, I still got a long way to go on this train

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